The beginning of the end started when I began writing to you in my diary instead of writing what I wanted to say to you. It all started right from the beginning, when I chose to lie to you that it was all nothing, like it was something ordinary, when it really wasn’t. For me at least. The fact that all of a sudden I got this unexpected amount of attention from you shocked me, but still, I dared to pretend it’s nothing. I took it for granted, yet inside I felt overwhelmed with the way you spoke and behaved , the way you treated me. I wish I knew how to be as good as you were. But it couldn’t last long. I probably bored you and I hate myself for that.
The beginning of our end started when I refused to accept that there was nothing else to talk about, that we had few things in common and that you , like Taylor Swift said, “are older and wiser and, I , wait by the door like I’m just a kid, used my best colors for your portrait...”. It was easy to fill the emptiness with imaginations, that when we meet, some sort of magic will happen and topics will be born about which we could talk for hours. But all that happened was that my brain stopped thinking as soon as I saw your face.
The beginning of the end started when I couldn’t be honest with you. When I simply held my feelings inside me knowing that you lack any. But still I held them and cherished them like a little kid, who was afraid to be found guilty for doing something “naughty” . I couldn’t be honest, I only lied and pretended, and I couldn’t be honest, cuz you didn’t let me. Cuz you baffled me.